Tuesday, July 22, 2014

And the First Pick of Kia will be ....

The first pick in the second round of the 2014 PBA Draft will be ... the Pambansang Kamao Congressman Manny "The Pacman" Pacquiao!

What the ....

It can happen you know. As long as Kia is in the Philippine Basketball Association, anything as in anything can happen.  After their application for a PBA franchise was approved, the team appointed Congressman Pacquiao as their Head Coach. And now Manny, who could also a future Philippine President, is applying in the 2014 PBA Draft so that he can be a playing coach for KIA just like the Living Legend Jaworski who was Ginebra's playing coach a generation ago.

PBA where amazing  err RIDICULOUS happens! 

The 2014 PBA Draft would be the a perfect time for Gerald Anderson, Jose Manalo, Vice Ganda, Piolo Pascual or any other famous John Does to apply as a  PBA player because there is a big chance that KIA will draft them because of their star power.  Bobby Pacquiao can actually join the fray to make KIA more of a family affair. Heck, Mommy Dionisia could even join just make the KIA family complete. If ever this showbiz line-up materializes, I would call the team as KIA Carnival or Karnabal to make it more Pinoy and sound appropriate. 

Until now, I cannot fathom why KIA joined the PBA but here are some outrageous conspiracy theories:

  1. KIA is financed by Floyd Mayweather because he wants Pacquiao to just concentrate on coaching and playing basketball rather than challenging him every time the Greatest Filipino Boxer gets interviewed about boxing. It is in the interest of Mayweather that Pacquiao will risk having a high ankle sprain while defending a Mark Caguiao crossover. Maybe Mayweather will probably next pay the Extra Rice pair of Belga and Quinahan to give Pacquiao a rude welcome.
  2. KIA was ordered by the South Korean Government to destroy the PBA brand of play. The South Koreans are still brokenhearted because they are not able to participate in the 2014 World Cup in Spain. They were eliminated by the Smart Gilas during the FIBA Asia Cup semifinals which a win would have sent them to the World Cup. 
  3. KIA actually stands for Kilusan ng Intelihenteng Atleta which will become a national party in the 2016 elections. Manny Pacquiao will run for President under the KIA banner.  His VP candidate will be Jaworski. His senatorial line-up will include Bata Reyes, Paeng Nepomuceno, Mikee Cojuangco-Jaworski, Phil Younghusbang, Cong. Yeng Guiao, Onyok Velasco, Jimmy Santos, and Joey Marquez. 
KIA is fast becoming my favorite team and I will devote so many posts in this blog for the PBA's Koreanovela (KIAnovela). Petronovela is so 2013. In a marketing standpoint, KIA is actually doing all the right moves. The are probably the most talked about team in the PBA right now save for the Gilas whose supposed "Last Stand" became a glorified warm-up. 

I wonder how many wins will KIA get in their first season? Will they be KIA every night? KIA meaning Killed In Action???  Will they be the "UP Maroons" of the PBA?

I have so many questions now about KIA that I will definitely write about as the season goes.
  1. Who will have the ignominy of being the first ever team beaten by KIA? 
  2. How many seasons will pass before KIA ever beat San Mig Coffee? 
  3. How many points will Pacquaio make this season?
  4. Who will be guarding Manny Pacquiao when he scores his first career point in the PBA?
  5. Who will have the guts to be the first to foul, block, and steal the Pacman?
  6. How much Pacquiao's insurance against injury?
  7. How many wins will Pacquiao have as a coach?
  8. How many years will it take before Pacquiao gets fired or retires from either coaching or playing?
I have so many questions already and I am very excited that it will all be answered soon. I really hope that Ginebra San Miguel will not spoil the master plan of Kia by drafting Pacquiao in the first round since they can claim that Pacquiao is also an endorser of their product. They might just do it and hold Pacquiao hostage and force KIA to trade their first round picks in the next 3 years to get Pacquiao. 

What would stop them? Well, anything can happen in the PBA and the league has grown leaps and bounds with the entry of Kia! Mabuhay ang KIA!!!

**This post is a satire and a result of an imaginative mind

1 comment:

  1. I really like reading funny baseball stories. I know these stories are fake, but it's fun to make believe that they've actually happened. I suppose that's the fun of sports satire.